You have managed to impress your friends. You’ve finally asking her out – that cutie from office that had been making your heart race for weeks.
Now she sits right across you on a candle-lit table at this luxe restaurant…she looks nervous and you feel a li’l awkward.
Oh yes, it’s your first date!
Both of you are nicely groomed and looking stylish. Your body language is relaxed in a formal way (read stiff formal) and you’re making eye contact only occasionally.
You feel tongue-tied. She seems self-conscious.
Oh yes, it’s your first date!
Thankfully your awkward silence is broken by, “Would you like to order, Sir / Ma’am?” After you politely place your orders, there it is once again excruciating silence.
You’re thinking, “Damn, Come on, say something. Just. Something.”
She’s thinking, “Should I just get out of here…he isn’t interested, I guess…?”
Don’t let this happen to you. Do. Not!
There is no denying that first dates can be really nerve-wracking and anxiety producing. More so because it decides whether you will head to a burning passionate love story or go down the drain. The key is to have a relaxed (yet careful) conversation. We’ll tell you how.
Just because you can talk endlessly doesn’t make you a skilled communicator. You are communicating or conversing successfully only if there’s equal exchange of dialogues between two people If you can really manage to actively listen what your date has to say, you’ve won yourself the date!
Peel The Onion
Of course you know we’re using a metaphor here. Getting to know someone is like peeling an onion one layer at a time. It is safe process and takes time. Most of the failed dates are a result of being overeager and asking personal or sensitive question. Of course you crave for deep meaningful conversation, I mean, who doesn’t. But, it is a time consuming process and totally worth it.
Let The ‘Past’ Be (For Now)
Past lovers / relationships is a topic that generally should be avoided in the first date that is so formally set – even if you DO know about it. Start with a clean slate yet. First dates are special, let them stay that way.
Bury Horrible Bosses / Lost Promotions (That You So Deserved!)
Just because you have nothing to talk, jumping into this territory is like going from frying pan to….hmph! You know what we mean. You might really be in a bad job with a bad boss and doing great stuff with no appreciation, but expressing not-so-positive thoughts on first date leaves a not-so-positive impact on your date. Instead share an interesting story on your first job interview. Make her laugh!
Be Genuinely Interested In Your Date
Great communication starts with being genuinely interested in the individual you’re with and paying close attention to what he/she says. This stuff is tough, but so is finding your soul-mate. The process begins by providing lots of space for the full expression of information and asking follow-up questions to further draw out the one talking.
For example, these questions:
What kinds of things really make you laugh?
What’s your favorite place in the entire world?
Where all have you travelled?
Are you a foodie? What do you love the most?
Who is your best friend? What do you like about him/her?
Favorited movie of all time? Why so?
What’s your biggest goal in life right now?
What is your favorite way to spend a Saturday / Sunday?
What were you like as a kid?
What should I know about you that I’d never think to ask about?
Did you—or do you—have a nickname? What’s the story behind it?
Who was your favorite schoolteacher or college professor? Why?
What do you hate most about the dating process? (Tell me so I can avoid it!)
We are sure you have your questions too.
If not, use these and come up with others—but by all means, give some forethought to how you’d like a discussion with a new partner to unfold. You’ll give yourself a chance at a magnificent, rather than miserable, first date.
– Monika Nair